The first great love is something very special. We usually remember it well even after years and perhaps even decades. Even though it rarely lasts. But what about the last great love? Isn’t it just as special? Until when do you have the chance of love? Is there an age limit? Dr Sarah Seidl, Professor of Psychology at SRH Fernhochschule, answers these and other questions.

Riedlingen, December 06th, 2024: The first episode of the dating show ‘Golden Bachelor’ has just been broadcast. In it, 18 ladies vie for the heart of handsome Franz. Nothing new in the TV landscape. Matchmaking shows are a dime a dozen, but this one is a novelty. The golden bachelor is a 73-year-old pensioner who only had a few dozen followers on social media platforms before the programme started. So you couldn’t accuse him of only being interested in reach or being an influencer. The girls who embark on this adventure are also best-agers. The ladies are all over 60, some of them over 70. Public courting for the favour of a potential partner at this age? This has never happened before.



Love, sex & tenderness over 60: what changes, what stays the same?

And if you observe and listen to the protagonists, it becomes clear that needs don’t seem to change with age. There is a longing for closeness, touch and also openly expressed desires for sexuality. And although this is over-represented for certain age groups, it is a socially taboo subject at the latest when people reach retirement age. Yet little has changed in terms of human desires. Prof Dr Seidl comments: ‘The basic human needs for closeness, connection and affection accompany us throughout our lives. In earlier phases of life, many people tend to prioritise the new, the unknown, the exciting and also some pressure to perform when it comes to sexuality. Couples in old age are more able to shed this performance-orientation and experience more intimate forms of connection. You no longer have to prove anything to yourself or the other person and can immerse yourself in touch and closeness. This can also lead to a deeper emotional bond.’



Emotions vs. experience: Does dating get easier with age?

The mature Bachelor candidates and the Bachelor himself all have a wealth of experience when it comes to relationships. Many of them have been in long-term relationships, most of them married. Some relationships have broken up, some are already widowed. Their experiences with previous partners have left their mark. Does this make it more difficult to get involved in something new or does it perhaps even help because it can lead to you getting to know yourself better and therefore being able to formulate your wishes much better or rule things out for yourself?



Courage and emotional flexibility

Prof Dr Seidl says: ‘Dating in old age has both sides to it: on the one hand, at over 60 you know what is important to you in a relationship and what you no longer want. On the other hand, you are also characterised by previous relationships and experiences. It takes courage and emotional flexibility to leave old patterns or injuries behind and open up to new things and to see the opportunity in something completely different. The more open we remain to life in general, the easier it is for us to find new love. If we have also learnt to communicate our own values and needs clearly over the course of our lives, these are good prerequisites for authentic and deep relationships.



Preventing physical and mental decline

There seem to be more and more people who still dare to try new things even at an advanced age. Is this the case or are we just getting the impression from role models on social media and television? Prof Dr Sarah Seidl explains: ‘We are staying healthy for longer and therefore actively getting older. This also has an impact on relationships and sexuality. We are trying new things for longer. In addition, as you can also see from the Bachelor format, social limitations are slowly changing, which have made love more of a secret in everyday life.’



Openness of heart and mind creates opportunities

One thing is certain: we all age. And if we are lucky and are prepared to do something to accompany this process as well as possible, we have the chance to live a longer, more fulfilling life. A healthy diet never hurts, and physical activity is also a major factor in fit ageing. We cannot avoid increasing wrinkles – at least without major intervention. But we can avoid getting rusty. And for this, it is also fundamentally important to keep challenging the mind. This is demonstrated not only by the golden Bachelor candidates, but also by many of our students who are still willing to broaden their knowledge and horizons at over 60, 70 or even 90. And anyone who goes through the world with an open mind and an open heart always has the chance to have fulfilling experiences. And perhaps even experience the love of their life once again.

Translated together with DeepL_com

ImageSource Yaroslav Shuraev Pexels